Omicron: The Origin Story
684th Day of Apocalypse
D.B. Moronic boarded a plane from South Africa to Amsterdam on a late November morning, 2021.
Most people in the first class noticed him: dark, three-piece suit, old-fashioned but elegant tie and black trench coat gave him an aura of silent charisma and mystery. He sat comfortably, almost nonchalantly, sipping bourbon after bourbon and reading a worn-out copy of "Crystalizing Public Opinion" by Edward Bernays.
“May I get you something?”
“Another Bourbon, Sunshine”
Normally, she would have been already writing in her head a juicy complaint to airline management, explaining how sexist, humiliating, degrading and bigoted this passenger is, demanding a lawsuit or at least significant compensation. But there was something about this guy that kept her anger at bay.
Plus, it happened that her name was indeed Sunshine. Jennifer Sunshine.
“The correct term is "flight attendant", not sunshine”
“Alright Sunshine, I'll try to remember” - he answered with a naughty smile and continued flipping the pages of the book
She rolled her eyes but couldn't help to giggle. The truth is, this guy was a breath of fresh air in a plane filled with anxious people, hypnotized by the "Breaking News" about a new variant of the not-so-deadly but very-well-known disease. Omicron started to spread in Soweto a couple of days ago, and it was "a talk of the town" (and most certainly "a talk of the plane"). And although all of the passengers were fully vaccinated, the majority was still wearing masks, latex gloves and holding their drinks through napkins. One woman boarded the plane in a hazmat suit.
But the guy in the black trench coat appeared not to give a damn. He was sitting calmly, unmasked and untouched by the madness around him, reading his book and acting like it was 2019.
“Thank you, Sunshine” - he nodded with a smile when she came back with a new glass of bourbon.
“You're welcome, Mister MORONIC” - she answered, pronouncing his surname slowly and with a silent satisfaction
“Hahaha, I know, it's an unfortunate name” - he laughed but didn't seem to be bothered - “My agent is convincing me to change it, especially since I am going to become worldwide famous soon.”
“Oh, so you are an actor?”
D.B. Moronic didn't get to answer as the loudspeakers on the plane turned on and a male voice filled the cabin:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. I have an important announcement to make. Just a moment ago, I was contacted by the ground crew. One of the people on this fight is infected with a new variant Omicron. The detection was possible through analysis of the PCR tests we took before boarding the plane. We will now approach the infected and attempt to isolate him until the flight is over. We'd like everyone to remain calm and stay seated until further notice to avoid the potential spread of infection."
“Nooooo! Nooooooooo!” - The lady in the hazmat suit screamed in total anger and despair
“I bet it’s one of those hillybillies in the second class! I've heard how they learned to forge vaccination passports” - an older gentleman in the fourth row voiced his opinion, resembling a TV Corona expert
”What are we gonna do?! What are we gonna do??!!” - Hazmat Suit start weeping like an animal that fell into a deadly trap, simultaneously struggling to grasp some oxygen
“Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm” - Sunshine tried to retain control over the situation - “We are all going to be fine! We kept all the safety precautions and we are all fully vaccinated!”
“I'm not vaccinated” - D.B. Moronic broke the noise with his crisp and somewhat disturbing voice
Suddenly, the entire first class went silent.
“Mister Moronic” - Sunshine addressed him softly, like a mother who tries to gently persuade a toddler from throwing a bucket of red paint over the new carpet - “if this is some kind of a bad joke, now it's not the time”
“Honestly, it doesn't matter” - D.B. MORONIC answered - “No vaccine is going to save you from what this world is suffering from. Haven't you learned already?”
“Liar! Liaaaaar!” - several voices emerged from different parts of the plane, Hazmat Suit being the loudest.
“You people will never learn...” - D.B. sighed with disappointment and came back to reading the book
“Stop spreading misinformation, you far-right-climate-change-denier-Trump-supporter-meat-eating-bigot!” - a young man wearing a T-shirt with the slogan "All I want for Christmas is a BOOSTER" shouted passionately
“Dude, calm down” - a guy next to him rolled his eyes - “You sound ridiculous…”
“What is ridiculous” - the Corona TV expert interrupted - “is that he is still sitting there, reading his stupid book, like nothing ever happened, and is STILL NOT ISOLATED. I say... let's throw him to the second class!”
“What? Why?” - a young man in the sixth row got visibly confused by the suggestion
“Hey, we don't even know it's him” - added a woman next to him
“Who else? He is unvaccinated! He said so himself!”
“That still doesn't mean it's him. Both vaccinated and unvaccinated can get infected...”
“But we got his confession!” - Corona TV expert was not giving up - ”He deserves to be isolated from us and sent back to the rest of the hillybillies!”
“Sent ‘to’, not sent ‘back’ “ - D.B. corrected the man, clearly amused by the whole situation - “to be sent back, you have to be there at some point in the first place...”
“And please stop calling people in second class "hillybillies". It's highly disrespectful” - Sunshine reprimanded the passenger
“Fine” - Corona TV expert muttered - “Those ‘wage class people’. Better?”
“...and please stop spreading harmful speculations” - she added - “I repeat, everyone in second class is vaccinated”
“Even better!” - Corona TV expert didn't seem to give up - “Then it means they are protected from him!”
“Well, aren't we protected as well?” - another voice of reason emerged from the back seat
Uncomfortable silence lasted for a while, occasionally interrupted by the heavy breathing of the Hazmat Suit.
“Let's lock him in a toilet then” - T-shirt guy proposed
“But what if someone needs to use it?”
“Everybody, shut up for a moment! Capitan said that the person infected with Omicron is going to be approached by the crew and isolated. No one came for him. In fact, no one came at all!” - the guy from the sixth row noticed the obvious, in a rare moment of mental clarity.
“Because it's the captain that is infected” - D.B.MORONIC announced with a smirk on his clearly satisfied face
“Noooo!” - Hazmat Suit screamed in despair while melting into a red, sweaty, desperate pile of meat - “Noooooooooooo!!!”
“Lady, you need to calm down. Otherwise, you’re gonna get a heart attack”
“He's threatening me! He's threatening meeeee!” - Hazmat Suit yelled furiously and then collapsed
“Call down people. I will do you all a favour” - D.B. rose from his seat and started packing his belongings - “I will jump off the plane”
“What?!”
“Man, don't be crazy!”
“Frankly, I'm tired of you people” - he continued while putting on black sunglasses - “so I will remove myself from this situation and give you the peace of mind you all need. Please give me the back and the front parachute” - he turned his head towards Sunshine - “I know you have them on board as standard equipment and I also know how to use them”
“This is insane, we cannot just allow you to jump off the plane!” - Sunshine shouted, clearly moved by the whole situation
“Then try to stop me” - D.B. provoked her, walking energetically towards the cockpit, where the emergency door was placed - “and tell the captain to give me those parachutes”
“Captain will never allow it!”
“Yes, he will Sunshine. Tell him D.B. Moronic asked”
Sunshine looked at him with confusion, but hesitantly picked up the intercom and called the Cockpit
“Hey men, this is suicide!” - the sixth-row-guy yelled from the back - “Come on, you need to be trained to use those! This is simply ridiculous!”
“Thank you for your concern, but my mind is made up” - D.B. Moronic answered, nodding his head in appreciation
“You cannot just jump out of the plane!” - The sixth-row-guy was not giving up - “Everyone, we need to do something! This is fucking insane! How are we even allowing it? Have we all lost our minds?!”
“Oh my God!” - the Hazmat Suit's neighbour suddenly screamed in panic - “She is not breathing! I think she's dead!”
In one moment the attention of the entire first class shifted from the soon-to-be-jumper to a very-well-protected-lady. D.B. skillfully used the moment of chaos to advance his mission forward and pulled Sunshine to the side.
“Parachutes?”
“The Captain…” - she couldn't believe what she was about to say - “The Captain allowed it...”
“Good. Bring them on.”
“Do you really know how to use them?”
“Yes, I'm military trained”
“I thought you were an actor?”
“That too” - D.B. winked and started to prepare for the jump.
…
Sunshine's hands were shaking.
Hazmat Suit turned out to be really dead and all the passengers collectively lost their minds. Panic spread like wildfire, especially since the rest of the plane was not informed about the events in the first-class and assumed that Hazmat Suit was THE Omicron-infected passenger.
(Side Note: Three days later, Hazmat Suit became the cover story of all media outlets and served as a poster child for the necessity of mandating 3rd and 4th boosters)
Once hysteria took over, there was no one left to stop D.B. from his plunge into darkness. Sunshine suddenly felt a great urge to join this mysterious, dark-suited stranger and leave it all behind.
“May I go with you?”
“Where I go, you cannot follow Sunshine. But I will give you a present” - he added while searching for something in a pocket of his trench coat - “This is the key. The key to it all” - he whispered and handed her a folded tiny piece of paper, wrapped in a silver foil - “Keep it safe. Or keep it public. Do with it as you wish” - he touched her cheek with a surprisingly cold hand, opened the emergency door and jumped out into the darkness of the night sky.
Sunshine was trying to spot him down from a plane's window but his free-falling body soon became a small black dot and merged with the vast, dark nothingness.
Was it all a dream?
She looked down at her hand, knowing that she potentially holds a key to the entire pandemic.
With a pounding heart and sweaty hands, she unwrapped the message from the silver foil and opened the piece of paper.
The writing on the note said:
